Ocean of Memory

Nyana Ayla
- Very ambitious. (Of Course)
- Brave and daring attitude. (Sumtime)
- Devoted lover. (Yup)
- Sensitive nature. (Totally True)
- You get jealous easily. (100% True)
- You also get angry very easily. (It's Me)
- You are proud of your achievements. (Not Really)
- Attention seeker. (Maybe)
- Very generous. (Haha..No Comment)
- Easy going. (Sumtime)
- Strong character. (Maybe)
- Born to be successful. (Of Course)
- Observant. (I don't Know)
- Creative bent of mind. (Not really)
- Caring and loving. (Haha..Suda semestinyer)
- Faithful friend. (Yup)

Kau dibuai mimpi dia jaga
kau bersenang dia bekerja
untukmu tiada terbatas
memberi tak minta dibalas

Ingin dibinanya untukmu
kehidupan yang sempurna
punya kekuatan jiwa
punyai maruah

Leterannya dari rasa luhur
menegur sebelum terlanjur
itulah yang diwarisi
pesan ibu terpahat dihati

Beringat-ingatlah berpesan-pesan
untuk kebaikan
marah bukan kebencian
tapi tanda sayang

Engkau semakin dewasa
berjiwa merdeka
sedang dia semakin tua
membilang usia

Disaat kau berjaya
dia tiada berdaya
semoga kau tak lupa
jasa bonda...


Ibu, maafkan kak long kerana tak mampu untuk menjadi anak yang terbaik untuk ibu. Kak long takkan lupakan segala jasa-jasa ibu kepada kami adik beradik sejak dari kecil sampai bila-bila. Maafkan segala kesalahan kak long kepada ibu. Ibu memang seorang ibu terbaik dalam dunia ni. Ampunkan segala dosa-dosa kak long..Kak Long sayang sangat kat ibu ngan abah......





Natrah Che Daud
&
Zahurin Ismail
(abah telah meninggal dunia pada 8 Mei 2008 kerana menghidapi penyakit miliary tuberculosis)
Jasamu tetap kukenang...

I luv u so much Ibu & Abah...

My Strengh:
- Analytical
- Observant
- Helpful
- Reliable
- Precise
My Weakness :
- Skeptical
- Fussy
- Inflexible
- Cold
- Interfering

Independence:
I'm fully able to put my intelligence to use and get things done for myselves. It is possible however that my narrow mindedness causes my creativity to suffer and I may lead regular routine lives.I may dwell too much on the past and over complicate things and this may limit my ability to move forward and confuse myselves. In conclusion, I'm able to be independent but the less evolved types will have difficult if someone is not there helping me to achieve more and not be so critical of myselves.

Friendship:
People look up to me for friends because I am straight thinkers and solve problems logically. I am truthful, loyal and determined. Some people might find me cold or emotionally detached because I live in my minds, not in my emotions and feelings. It might be hard to pin down how am I feeling because I easily live in denial. A person who is able to read deep into another person will notice when I am not well but if I confront them about it, I'm would rather retreat then talk about it. It is best to keep your emotional distance from me unless I open up to you first. I might try to analyze and control a friend's life but only with the idea that I will improve my life, not purely for the sake of controlling. Be patient with me and understand that my recommendations are only to make your life better.

Business:
I am very intelligent, I have an excellent memory and a highly analytical mind. This makes me good investigators and researchers. I'm also have the ability to probe into a person's emotions and I can often see into people and detect what their motives are. This makes me great policemen or interrogators. I am very good at problem solving, this is what I do my best. I am confronted with a problem, I will pick apart the pieces and put it together in the proper order. I am rational thinkers and are good at settling other people's disputes and putting them on the right track for reconciliation. Any position that requires the above features, which is a very long list, is perfect for me. I keep the world in order. :)

Temperament:
Before I plunges into anything, from a problem to a vacation idea, I need to analyze all the facts and know all the details before I plunge in and make a decision. This makes me seem indecisive and slow. My perception is my reality, more so then other astrology signs. What I believe is what will be, if I have a negative outlook on life, things will present myselves to be negative and I will be very moody and isolated/detached. If I were positive, the same events that occur will be held in a positive light and I will be a pleasant, well adjusted person. My mind is a very powerful mind and I must have the proper attitude for my life to be happy and successful. I needs to get in touch with my feelings, this is why I usually seem cold or detached. I am very prone of living in denial. I will say the feel okay or everything is alright even when it's not. This is an easy way out, the one thing that I does not like to analyze is my feelings so pretending everything is okay is a good defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at my feelings. I had an unpredictable and sometimes unstable temperament.

Deep Inside:
I need to be organized in my mind, sometimes all my energy is taken from organizing my mind that I have a difficult time organizing my surroundings. I'm easily look too deep into an issue and over analyze what I'm percept. I am ambitious and strives to always know more and have more. This is in my eternal quest to bring order to chaos. Even if order is obtained from an outsiders' point of view, I will not be settled for I have a very active mind that is always thinking and can never be silenced. I want to be of use, I need to be important and essential to everyone in my lives and in everything I do. My major life lesson is to learn to trust in and have faith in the unknown. I have to understand that things in life happen for a reason that is not always known to me, I do not have to always know everything. I need to learn to calm down and not over-analyze a situation or event. Deep inside, I am very sensitive and I need to be appreciated for all the things I do. When I am offended or hurt, I may never show it.

In a Nutshell:
I'm exists in the mind, everything is inside. To the world, I presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. I can tire myself out without even moving! I have a constant drive to improve and perfect, this can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiest. I am pure, my motives are honest never malicious and I want to accomplish something... :)


So, to who are know everything about me, can asses it on your own either it is true or not.. [AyLa]

I AM WORTHLESS!!I am not worthy of having anyone... I am not wanted by anything or anyone. I am alone. People treat me like shit! People take what they want from me and go.. "Sorry, I gotta go", "Sorry, I gotta go meet someone" but it al boils down to the foot that people are leaving, and not returning. So, I sit here alone. Alone I sit once again. One single stray emotion, on this lonely night, opens the floods gates as this tital wave of pleeding fears flow from these orbs. Incritable silence rings off this solitary walls. The gentle whisper of tears hitting the floor beneath me is the only sound, except for the ringing of your voice in my head which is my only comfort and my biggest fear... Watching all the happy moments abandon me like every human has done no one wants me in their life. They don't care about me. I am not wanted. I am not needed. I am used... I am lied to... and I am hated... Most of all, I am alone...

I AM UGLY!! I am not pretty. I am not happy... I am cruel... I am lost and cold... Forsaken by all man. I am a piece of worthless shit!! No one wants or need to be with or around me in their life for I don't provide enough. I am not a good friend.. I am not a good person.. And I am not a good girlfriend.. I would not be a good wife.. I am a moron.. I am a child.. I am lost and tired.. I am drained and I am abandoned.. I am not anyone's dream, fantasy, life, or lover.. I would not make a good friend.. I AM A BURDEN!!!

Hari ni dah 9 Oktober.. Rasa macam baru beberapa minggu aku dalam semester 3 di UiTM Dungun terengganu. Tak lama lagi final exam. memang sekarang musim sibuk dengan macam-macam tugas yang perlu diselesaikan sebagai seorang student. kena submit assignment, test, kuiz, dan macam-macam lagi la. masa ni la masing-masing ada yang kelam kabut coz wat keje last minit. Sampai ada yang sakit-sakit la, and ada yang bergaduh sesama sendiri.Macam-macam kerenah student sekarang. :) Bagi aku, persiapan untuk final exam masih belum cukup sepenuhnya lebih-lebih lagi dalam subjek akaun. kadang-kadang sampai nak menangis pun ada bila aku ngah study akaun tu.aku memang dari dulu tak berapa nak minat sangat hal-hal kira mengira ni. tapi nak buat macam mana.Terpaksa jugakla study subjek tu.Minggu depan kena jadi S.O.D (Supervisor of the Day). Nasib baik aku ditugaskan bersama dengan Dila, classmate aku. Kalau tak tension jugak dengan hal assignment lg, pastu nak kena buat report untuk s.o.d plak lagi. Ibu selalu ingatkan aku supaya tekun belajar, jangan cepat berputus asa dengan apa yang berlaku, tabahkan hati menghadapi ujian Allah semasa masih belajar, coz ini semua akan mengajar aku menjadi lebih matang sebelum masuk ke alam pekerjaan.
Masalah aku sekarang cuma satu.Panas baran aku ni. Aku sendiri pun tak tau la macam mana nak buang sikap tu. Bila ada je perkara yang tak menjadi, aku cepat jer bengang. Kadang-kadang best friend aku yang jadi mangsa. Tapi nasib baik la dia boleh faham perangai aku ni. Kesian kau Atin..hehe..Tapi walau macam mana pun aku akan tetap berusaha sebaik mungkin untuk final nanti and takkan menghampakan harapan ibu dan family yang lain. Lagipun 2 lagi adik aku pun study kat UiTM perak dan UiTM penang. Itu menjadikan aku semangat untuk mengatasi diorang..hehe..

Funny when things never change even when you say they will, but while your off s(rewing her my life is standing still. You tell me that you love me. When I go to leave you tell me I'm your only one and I let myself believe. I know that you are using me but you'll never let me go. I know that you don't love me and I know I'm just for show, dear. I don't know if I can stand to see you love another girl. You know that you broke my heart and you know that your my world but while your standing by my side I'll believe your lies forever cause everything seems so perfect when we are together..

Andainya dapat ku putar
Kembali
Akan ku ubah segala yang terjadi
Keterlanjuran dan kealpaan
Membuat ku terlupa pada sebuah nilai harga diri

Namun semua itu mustahil bagiku
Aku tak berdaya mengubah masa lalu
Kini aku hanya mampu
Menginsafi yang telah berlaku
Membiarkan kenangan itu berlalu
Menjadikannya pengajaran
Buat dirimu jua diriku
Agar tidak berulang kisah lalu

Setiap liku kehidupan yang ku lalui
Ku panjatkan sejuta keampunan Ilahi
Semoga keinsafan ini terus kekal abadi
Hingga ke akhir hayatku nanti

Manusia, jauh melebihi segala ciptaan lain, perlu sentiasa berubah, diperbaharui, dibentuk kembali dan di ampuni. Jadi, jangan pernah kecilkan seseorang dari hati kita. Apabila kita sudah melakukan semua itu, ingatlah sentiasa. Jika suatu ketika kita memerlukan pertolongan, akan sentiasa ada tangan terhulur. Dan dengan bertambahnya usia kita, kita akan semakin mensyukuri telah diberi dua tangan, satu untuk menolong diri kita sendiri, dan satu lagi untuk menolong orang lain.. :)

• Kita suka bila dipercayai,
Tetapi kenapa kita tidak suka mempercayai orang lain?
• Kita suka bila kita disanjungi,
Tetapi kenapa kita tidak suka menyanjungi orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka dicaci,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka mencaci orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka dikhianati,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka mengkhianati orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka dizalimi,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka menzalimi orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka dibenci,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka membenci orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka disakiti,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka menyakiti orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka dipersalahkan,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka menyalahkan orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka dikritik,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka mengkritik orang lain?
• Kita tidak suka hak kita dirampas,
Tetapi kenapa kita suka merampas hak orang lain?
• Kalau kita ingin dihormati,
Kita juga mesti belajar menghormati orang lain
• Kalau kita ingin dihargai,
Kita juga mesti belajar menghargai orang lain
• Kalau kita ingin difahami,
Kita juga mesti belajar memahami orang lain
• Kalau kita ingin dikasihi,
Kita juga mesti belajar mengasihi orang lain
• Kalau kita ingin disayangi,
Kita juga mesti menyayangi orang lain.

Kenapa kita begini? Ketuklah hati… perbaiki peribadi…

Thank you for simply being there. On the cloud days, on the sunny days. Thank you for sharing your joy’s and pain with me. For showing me that I’m so special. That my contribution count through our friendship. I have grown as a person and I hope you have too. Thank you, just for you. Thank you for simply being my friend. For the special memories we share together now. For the never ending support you always give me, friend. I will always love you, I can’t tell you how much that you mean to me. I pray for our everlasting friendship. Never ever say goodbye to yesterday. Cause yesterday was so special and wonderful and I hope tomorrow will be better. Thank you for everything. Thank you just for you…

The bullies who chased me… you strengthened my resolve . the haters who said I’d fail.. I am still here. Those who fell to the earth thinking they were the only star above. The night sky is ablaze with lights. My old man.. yeah.. this is for the one who not only gave me his name, but more.. I’ve felt your hand on my shoulders each day and it has guided me. This is for all those who believed. For eighteen weeks, I have toiled outside of society, on a fixed and lonely path. Now, I have come full circle , back to where I started. Here .. this place.. yeah.. life is like that. As I sit on the edge, on the threshold, what I’ve learned is that this journey is not a straight line. And the plates on each side of me, they support me. They hold me in place, like bookends around the story that is my life. . and the next chapter is about to unfold…